The History of the "Throw Away Girl"

I have always called myself the "Throw Away Girl." It started at birth, literally. I was born to two teen aged parents who during their first year at college got a little frisky in an unprotected way and had a baby. Both of their parents told them they weren't going to let a child ruin their futures, so I was given up for adoption. I have no complaints about being the "Throw Away Girl" in this situation, I was given to two amazing parents who couldn't have children, and I grew up on the back of a postcard. We weren't rich, but there was so much love and fun in my house growing up. I guess I always thought things would be perfect, but the legacy of the "Throw Away Girl" would continue.

At 21 I met a boy. I didn't even like him in the beginning, but he was persistent, and like a dog that won't stop following you he eventually grew on me and I fell in love for the first time. At 23 I got married, and settled into a content little life of boredom. I was happy being content, but not happy like one should be in a marriage. He did not want kids (I did), I was letting myself go, and depressed without knowing it. He was in the military and gone all the time I was simply going day to day living a happy lifeless life. We fought a lot, and the word divorce was thrown around often. We did not communicate, and did not work on our marriage, yet for some stupid reason I would be content living the rest of my life on this hopeless path with him. On November 7, 2007 he came home from work like any other day. He was home early and I was surprised, especially when he asked me to sit down and talk with him. In that talk at the kitchen table he informed me he had gotten an apartment and was leaving me because I would never have the guts to leave him. One month later, a day before our lightning fast divorce was final, he married a girl he hardly knew. She had two children, and within another month was expecting one with him. My world was crushed, and I was again the "Throw Away Girl."

Shortly after I met a guy who had been an online friend the past two years. Immediately we started a relationship. It was a rebound, and more than that a huge cluster-fuck. I had him on a pedestal and when I finally got to know the real him he was knocked off that perch. Things got ugly! We continued this on again off again relationship until just a few weeks ago, when I legally evicted him from my home. I'm sure the drama of this situation will be described in blogs to come, a large portion of this social experiment is facing the truth of that relationship. Bottom line I found myself in a situation I should have left first or perhaps should have never became involved in, yet ended up being the "Throw Away Girl."

So here I sit in a coffee shop feeling like if I can just get this all off my soul maybe the universe will turn and for once I can change things. It's time to own up to the faults I have that make me the "Throw Away Girl." I want to do a complete 180 so cleverly I've given myself 360 days to do this complete turn around....and make myself the "Keeper Girl" instead of the "Throw Away Girl."