Mirror Mirror on the Wall

DAY 2

Yesterday I stated I was going to tackle one fault per day for the next week. I said I was going to drop all my fears and just face my truths, turns out this is easier said than done. I’ve decided the first issue I will deal with is my self-image. They say the greatest magnifying glass in the world is your own eyes when you look at yourself. I can honestly say when I look at myself I rarely see the good staring back at me in the mirror.

Living in Vegas is tough. I’m sure living anywhere else I would be a total babe. But in Vegas, well you have “Vegas girls.” They look like they just stepped off a trashy magazine cover; they hang out in clubs all night and pools all day. Image in this town is everything, and people in this town look good. According to the Department of Health and Human Services the average woman is 5’4” and weighs 152 pounds, wearing a size 12. So why is it that everywhere I look I see size zero runway models, oh yeah I live in Vegas (see earlier point).

According to the national average I should feel good about myself. I’m taller than average (5’9”), and while I won’t tell you what I weigh, I’ll tell you I’m somewhere around a 10-12. I’m a curvy girl. From what I’ve been told most guys prefer curves? I would however like to slim down. I’ve made peace with the fact I’ll never be a size zero. Even if I starve my ass and take a summer vacation to camp Auschwitz, it ain’t gonna happen. Goal number one therefore, is to eat right and exercise every day. I have the eating right part down. I’ve been doing a pretty strict diet for nearly the past year that has me on the road for reaching my goal. I plan on however taking it one step further. I’m going completely vegan. I’ve tried it out, and believe it or not it’s totally doable. The exercise part is the hard part. I have a summer routine lined up, and in a few weeks my work schedule will clear enough to do it, and I plan on really sticking to the routine. In the mean time I have worked out a schedule that allows me to work out from home and getting some classes and cardio done at the gym multiple times a week. Discipline is the bridge between goals and accomplishment. So that’s it, I just set the goal now (and I mean starting right now as I type this) I have to have the discipline. By the end of August I want to squeeze my (by then tiny) ass into a size 8 pair of jeans, and by October reach my goal of a size 6. Due to damn bone structure I believe it is impossible for me to go any lower.

I guess the second half of my self-image goal is to accept the things I CANNOT change. I’ve always been told I’m a pretty girl. Your mom has to tell you that, right? In all seriousness, I suppose I’m lucky enough to not be hideous. However, I find fault. My nose is too big, my hair is not long enough, the texture of my hair is all wrong, my boobs aren’t the right shape, I feel pale, and frumpy, even my feet bother me. Unless I go totally Heidi Montag, certain things just aren’t going to change. I will work on these things the best I can. There’s always hair dye and extensions, new makeup, $50 bras, fake-bakes, and pedicures. I will work on my value of self-worth and try to appreciate my beauty instead of comparing myself to twenty-year-old bimbos who probably have their own bag of self-esteem issues. I suppose the fact that I don’t spend all day every day trying to look perfect means I’m not trying to compensate for some pent up daddy issues somewhere? I’m pretty sure every person we wish we were goes home and looks in the mirror wishing they could be someone else too, maybe they even wish they were you?

They say nobody else will like you until you like yourself, so it’s time I start liking myself dammit! I’m not only going to like myself I’m going to be totally crazy about myself! One time a guy told me sexy is a state of mine, and nothing is more sexy than confidence. I feel so self-conscious half the time around guys that I’m paranoid and feeling bad about things they probably aren’t even noticing or caring about. To quote The Butthole Surfers, “You never know just how you look through someone else’s eyes.” So the problem is I don’t like the way I look or feel; the solution is to eat right, work out, and say five positive things to myself in the mirror every day. I’m going to have such a crush on myself that the next guy to come into my life is going to have a little competition with me over me, and he’s going to have to try really hard to win!