If you can’t kill them with kindness kill them with an axe

Day 7

I’m too fucking nice, especially to douchebags who don’t deserve my kindness. I swear the meaner someone is to me the nicer I am sometimes. You know the dogs at the pound who were abused and once adopted tend to be the biggest attention whores? That is me, I am the human form of those dogs. Ignore me and I don’t go away, I just try harder. Someone could hit me with their car in anger and I’d probably ask them if I did any damage to their bumper as I was being loaded into the ambulance.

Want proof? Three guys have lived with me in my home in the past four years. By the way you’re only officially a slut if the number of guys exceeds the number of years, that’s the officially equation from the American Mathematical Society (AMS), therefore my address is officially NOT Trampville, USA. Although I was in a romantic relationship with all three at some point and time, all three had agreed to pay rent to live in my home. All three at some point stopped paying rent to live in my home, and all three didn’t seem to think this was a problem because I was too sympathetic and shy to demand they do the right thing. That’s me the landlord/girlfriend shrinking violet simpatico of the house on Freeloader Lane, please wipe your feet on me as you enter my home.

I swear I really am a big ooey gooey ball of sweetness, which is why I’m surprised when after getting to know me people often say when they first met me they thought I was a bitch. I think people confuse my shyness with snootiness, but as soon as they realize the difference they walk all over me. And if you’re going to walk all over me like a rug, the least you can do is lay down on me once in while naked. It’s true I can be very shy. I’ll sit there I take and take the abuse until it builds up like a pressure cooker and I blow! That is when benevolence turns to violence. I’ll throw a large jar candle at aimed at a head, insult mommas, go for the jugular, muddy a reputation, and reduce a grown man to tears. I can be a real bitch when I’m not busy being too nice.

Sometimes being too nice is hazardous. I have discovered the danger in life is being "too" anything, it’s all about finding balance. From here on out I vow to be assertive yet not arrogant. I’ll give with all my heart, but I won’t give all my heart away. I will give only as much as I get. I will stop being nice until it hurts.