The smile of one angel exceeds the praise of ten-thousand demons, I think I saw that written on a box somewhere?

DAY 5

Today I am working on relabeling. I remember moving a few years ago into my current place. I was moving out of a place that held a lot of bad memories and I couldn't wait to start over. I threw out tons, but still ended up like most moves having to pack a lot of boxes. At first I was very neat and organized labeling each box with detail and care. By the last day one of the things I hadn't packed yet was my bar and I thought to myself, that's way too much booze to pack! I did what any sensible mover would do I invited a friend over and I started drinking and packing. This is my version of killing two birds with one stone. By the end of that day half due to the consumption of too much alcohol and half due to the fact that I was tired of packing, I stopped packing with detail and care and started to label boxes "random shit" and "who the fuck cares!?!?" These let's call them "miscellaneous" mislabeled boxes were often the last ones I would look to when I couldn't find things unpacking. The coffee mugs were easy to find, they were in a box labeled glassware with the subheading coffee mugs, I obviously packed them sober and first. Anyone see the measuring cups? I don't know check the "random shit" box, I obviously packed these inebriated and last, and let's face it measuring cups ARE pretty random.

I've noticed I label things the same way in my life and in my mind. Some things are correctly labeled and easy to identify. I'm very certain with my career. I know my job and I know how to do it well, "teach kids effectively and make it as fun as possible". My students for the most part are successful in my class and seem to like me so I think I hit the mark. I'm clear with my responsibilities as a pet owner, "feed the dog, love him, take care of his needs, and keep him alive". He just turned fourteen so I'm doing that well too. Now with my private life I mislabel things. Take for instance my relationship with His Nibs this past year, I labeled that "I'm hooked on trying to get something I know I'll never get the way I want it". I knew who/what he was and that he was incapable of giving me a life and love the way I wanted it. He gave me love and we had a life, but it wasn't what I wanted, and I kept telling myself I could change it all eventually. I made excuses for things and turned a blind eye to other things I didn't want to accept. I thought the show couldn't last forever, and eventually the women and fame would go away and he would become normal and (POOF! insert magic fairy with her friggin' magical fairy dust) we would have some "regular" life. Where are you friggin' magical fairy? She's not coming, she doesn't exist, and neither does that pipe dream...I just mislabeled the damn box. I should have labeled that one "not going to happen, it's a no win". Had I done that I would have lived my past year knowing my fantasy of a normal life would never happen with him and I would have saved myself fifty boxes full of heartache.

Speaking of "no wins" I think His Nibs was my toy in one of those Claw/Crane games. You know what I'm talking about, those stupid machines in the entrance of every Walmart and grocery store across America. We've all seen and had to have some stupid toy just because it looked like you could totally hook it, and all for a quarter! Twenty bucks later you walk out and you still don't have the toy, because those games are designed NOT TO WIN. The hooks are too weak, and the toys are too heavy, the odds are always for you to fail. In reality the toy isn't worth what you put into the machine, and for twenty bucks you could have bought a toy you'd much rather have over the junk you were trying to win. Even if you by luck snag the toy, it's usually not as awesome as you thought it was when it was on the other side of the glass and the thrill is gone shortly after you get the "prize". I'm not slamming His Nibs entirely, I'm just saying I was "hooked" (excuse the pun...and for those of you who know him understand the duality of this pun) on the fact that I wanted to win something that was supposed to be "unattainable" and in reality my time and effort would have been better spent on obtaining something/someone I really wanted who wasn't some cheap toy.

So hand me a Sharpie I'm relabeling things with detail and care! I'm sorting out these boxes in my head and making sure I don't have things mislabeled, and I'm throwing out the junk I don't need anymore, like toys won from the "Claw Crane". A mind that lacks clarity creates chaos and frustration, and in the words of Brown Sugar, "ain't nobody got time for that"!